Films

FILMPOCALYPSE! Introduction by Film Crit Hulk

Film Crit Hulk, a beacon of hope in a critical world, has written this introduction for my new book of apocalyptic film reviews, entitled FILMPOCALPYSE! 52 Cinematic Visions Of The End. All sales of the book before the Mayan apocalypse on 12-21-12 go to charity, specifically KidSave International. So pick up a copy HERE. If you need further convincing, here’s the gamma radiated introduction in its brilliant entirety:

Introduction.

WE LOVE THE APOCALYPSE BECAUSE WE LIKE ENDINGS.

THAT MAY SOUND OVERTLY SIMPLE, POSSIBLY EVEN REDUCTIVE, BUT HULK REALLY BELIEVES THAT’S THE CORE MECHANISM AT PLAY IN OUR ONGOING FASCINATION WITH THE END OF THE WORLD; A FASCINATION THAT HAS SPURRED ON AN ENTIRE GENRE OF APOCALYPTIC AND POST-APOCALYPTIC CINEMA. BUT HULK DOESN’T BELIEVE THE GENRE’S EXISTENCE COMES FROM A MERE FASCINATION WITH POSSIBLE FUTURISTIC LIFESTYLES (THOUGH IT CAN BE) NOR THE PROSPECT OF WHAT OUR CULTURAL LANDSCAPE WILL LOOK LIKE (THOUGH IT CAN BE) NOR THE JOY OF WATCHING OUR CULTURAL ICONOGRAPHY GET PULVERIZED BY ALIENS (THOUGH IT CAN BE) NOR WATCHING THE JOY OF WATCHING THAT SAME ICONOGRAPHY BE TREATED AS A VAUNTED RELIC OF THE PAST (THOUGH IT CAN BE).

IN HULK’S ESTIMATION, IT’S ABOUT THE HUMAN SIMPLICITY OF GIVING OUR STORY AN ENDING. WE LIKE ENDINGS. ENDINGS ARE ABOUT CONSEQUENCE. THEY GIVE MEANING TO OUR LIVES. YOU’VE LIKELY HEARD THE BANAL PLATITUDE ABOUT DEATH GIVING LIFE MEANING ABOUT A COUPLE HUNDRED TIMES AND, WELL, THERE’S A REASON THE SAYING IS SO POPULAR… IT’S TRUE. AND THUS, ON A MORE GRAND SCALE, THE APOCALYPSE IS ABOUT THE END OF OUR TIME. OUR CULTURAL DEATH. AND SO OFTEN THE WAY WE PORTRAY IT SAYS MUCH ABOUT OUR OWN FEELINGS OF DEATH, OR REGRETS, OR RIGHTEOUSNESS, OR HECK, WHATEVER SIMPLY MAKES US GO.

AND THAT’S THE WAY IT GOES WITH FICTION: IT GIVES US CONTROL. WE ARE GIVING OUR LARGER CULTURAL-SELVES AN ENDING. AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT WE DID HERE ON OUR TIME OF EARTH AND WHAT WE WILL LEAVE. CONSEQUENCES. IRRADIATED WASTELANDS. STRIPPED DOWN SOCIALIZATION. CRIME. MURDER. DEATH. SO MUCH DEATH. WHICH IS FITTING FOR A GENRE ABOUT ENDINGS, BUT THESE ENDINGS ARE ALL ABOUT LEGACY. AND WHETHER THAT LEGACY IS HARMFUL. GOOD. HILARIOUS. WHATEVER. WE DECIDE WHAT THAT LEGACY SHALL BE BY WRITING OUR OWN ENDINGS. IT IS HOW WE ATTEMPT TO GIVE OUR LIVES SOME KIND OF MEANING, EVEN IF IT IS (OFTEN) A WARNING THAT OUR LIVES WERE TOO HOLLOW. WHICH MEANS IT’S NO ACCIDENT THAT THE WORD APOCALYPSE ACTUALLY TRANSLATES TO “A REVELATION OF SOMETHING HIDDEN.” WE ARE REVEALING OUR LARGER SELVES.

 

WHICH ALSO MEANS THAT IT’S NO ACCIDENT THAT THE OTHER DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC OF “THE END OF THE WORLD” SEEMS TO BE HOW PEOPLE ALWAYS SEEM TO MANAGE TO TURN THEM INTO NEW BEGINNINGS. IT’S THE LAW OF SURVIVAL. THE HUMAN CONSTANT. AN EBB AND FLOW OF LIFE AND CYCLES AND CHOICES THAT BRING US FROM ONE REVELATION TO THE NEXT. AND IT IS THIS HULK’S OPINION THAT THIS POPULAR GESTURE STANDS LESS AS A PURE, UNFOUNDED MESSAGE OF HOPE, AND MORE A SIMPLE FACT OF OUR LIVELIHOODS. FROM ALL THAT WE KNOW, SOMETHING HAS ALWAYS LIVED ON IN SOME WAY, HOWEVER SMALL. IT’S RESILIENT. AND THUS IT’S WHY THE APOCALYPSE IS THE END OF OUR TIME, AND THE LIKELY BEGINNING OF SOMEONE ELSE’S. THAT’S JUST HOW CYCLES TEND TO GO.

YOU’LL NOTICE THAT PEOPLE LOVE TO JOKE ABOUT THE LATEST CULT WHACK-JOB WHO HAS PREDICTED THE END OF THE WORLD. EVERY TIME THE SAME THING HAS HAPPENS. THEY PICK A DATE. THEY ACCRUE FOLLOWERS. THE DATE COMES. NOTHING HAPPENS. THE WHACK-JOB STANDS AROUND AWKWARDLY AND COYISHLY PICKS A NEW DATE OR SOMETHING. BUT THE THING IS THAT THIS WHACK-JOB HAS EXISTED THROUGHOUT HUMAN HISTORY. AND THE ABSURDITY OF THEIR LITERALISM ASIDE, THE WAY THEY LEND MEANING TO THE APOCALYPSE IS NOT UNLIKE WHAT WE DO WITH FICTION. IN ESSENCE, THEY ARE BOTH STORIES. AND THEY ARE BOTH AS CONSTANT AS ANY CYCLE….

MEANING THE GREAT IRONY OF ALL OF THIS, IS THAT PERHAPS THE IDEA OF APOCALYPSE WILL LIVE FOREVER ON.

AFTER ALL, WE KEEP HAVING TO WRITING OURSELVES AN ENDING.

PART OF THE PROBLEM WITH BEING A 12 FOOT TALL GREEN HULK IS MAKES IT RATHER DIFFICULT TO CONVERSE WITH ANYONE EYE-LEVEL AT PARTIES. USUALLY HULK ENDS UP SITTING ON HULK’S BUTT OR PERUSING THE HOST’S BLU-RAY COLLECTION OR SOMETHING. LUCKILY, THERE WAS ONE OCCASION SOME YEARS AGO WHERE HULK GOT TO MEET ONE BROCK WILBUR, WHO, IF YOU EVER GET A CHANCE TO MEET HIM IN REAL LIFE, YOU WILL PROMPTLY DISCOVER IS PRETTY MUCH HULK-SIZED. BUT LIKE WITH THIS PARTICULAR GREEN BOHEMOTH, DON’T LET BASIC PHYSIOLOGY FOOL YOU. BROCK’S INCLINATION IS FAR LESS ABOUT SMASHING STUFF AND USING INCOHERENT, PRONOUN-LESS VERBAGE, BUT INSTEAD SOMETHING ALL THE MORE DELIGHTFUL; FOR BROCK IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE A STALWART COMBINATION OF BEING BOTH HILARIOUS, ERUDITE, AND PROLIFIC.

WHICH IS SOMETHING YOU ARE ABOUT TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF.

WHAT BROCK IS BRINGING YOU IN FILMPOCALYPSE! IS A FULL-ON BARRAGE COVERING OVER 50 FILMS, ENCAPSULATING THE PROPER AND IMPROPER SHADES OF APOCALYPTIC CINEMA. YOU WILL FIND HIM RUNNING THE GAMUT OF CLASSICS LIKE THE OMEGA MAN, TO CORMAN’S B-MOVIE GLORY OF GAS-S-S-S! TO INDULGING THE CARPENTERIAN AUDACITY OF THEY LIVE! TO THE COMEDIC DESTITUTION OF DEAD SET, TO THE SOUL-CRUSHING BLEAKNESS OF PUNISHMENT PARK. AND, IF THE APOCALYPSE IS TRULY ABOUT THE END OF OUR TIME, YOU WILL DISCOVER WHAT BROCK UNEARTHS ABOUT THE NATURE OF MAN, WOMAN, AND HEAVEN IN LINDSAY LOHAN’S SEMINAL CLASSIC I KNOW WHO KILLED ME.

… BEWARE THE TRUTHS YOU FIND INSIDE.

ALL KIDDING ASIDE, HERE’S TO FILMPOCALYPSE!, THE BOOK INCARNATION OF THE (UNHAPPY) HAPPY-ENDING.

<3 FILM CRIT HULK

 

FILMPOCALYPSE! 52 Cinematic Visions Of The End is available now!