Your Friends Close is wrapped. We are into editing! Yay!
Up next, I’ve got an article running today on the Junior Varsity where I offer possible scenarios for who could be the Scranton Strangler. Cannot wait for the show to start back up. Tonightish… Also, an article on Death Coaster: The Coaster That Kills People.
And in SixtyNineties news, we have an official SixtyNineties Channel on Vimeo now.
I work in an office and therefore have discovered why people use Twitter. Going to try a little experiment where Friday mornings I collect my favorite tweets from the week. This is based on RT numbers and a few gems I posted in the middle of the night which probably slipped through the cracks. Of course, feel free to follow me HERE.
Today I will do awesome things for five people and try to destroy one person. My friendship is essentially Russian Roulette. Just committed an act of Revengeness. Perceivable as kindness, but someone further down the line got their comeuppance. It’s like I just Paid It Backward /// When asked to keep my LA Times subscription, told them I would if they’d print out HuffPo 20x per day and deliver it to wherever I am. /// JUST GOT OUT OF REHEARSAL AND BOY THE BAND SOUNDS REALLY GOOD ESPECIALLY THE DRUMS LITTLE BIT OF BLOOD COMING FROM MY NOSE GOING TO LAY DOWN /// The interior of my head is a terrible bartender. /// Pop Culture is the worst girlfriend I’ve ever had. We’re in a seriously abusive relationship.
The song “Planet of Sound” is a low point for the Pixies, but I would love it if it were on the latest Foo Fighters album. Also, love the latest Cage The Elephant album, because they just said “F It! We’re just going to BE the Pixies from now on!” /// Hardest/Best part of my job: Explaining to someone they are not nearly as famous as they think, at least in the eyes of the US Government. /// Trans-cultural diffusion used to take years. Now it’s just moving conversations from Twitter to Facebook and back again /// I was gifted an Aloe plant from Mike Kopera. I think, realistically, it will survive to see October. /// 28 Days Now
#differenttensemovies / I Already Know Who Kills Me And Therefore We Can Skip The Entire Film #differenttensemovies /// “MacArthur Grants went out today, and I got one!” -Me, in the future, of a different universe, in fiction. /// Naked Bowling and Naked Movie Screening of Act Naturally. Oh, Hilbert, Wisconsin. You do my movie proud. /// Please tell me the sequel is called “The World Ends With You 2”, because that’s what I’ve been saying about Bono for years.
RT @joefilipas I heard on the DVD version of TURKEY BOWL, Kyle changes which team scores first. Terrible. RT @smitty4657 Look guys, there’s just technology that exists in September 2011 that we didn’t have in March 2011. RT @brockwilbur You guys. That Turkey Bowl into Star Wars joke might be the reason I joined Twiter.
What if that was the rule. You could only be put to death by your home state. So I had good reason to never go back to Kansas. RT @placito I would never be killed in Los Angeles cuz I was invincible there RT @brockwilbur We all are. If you make it through your first year, you live until you die by your own hand. /// I don’t care how lame it is: The most upsetting thing in the world for the next year of my life is the use of KoRn in the new Silent Hill. /// Can we please have a video game music conference called Arkham City Limits? /// “I can’t deal with this change of Facebook” jokes are the new “Men never never ask directions.” /// Dear Obama, You have an upward battle ahead trying to get us excited again. You know what excites me? THE OPPOSITE OF BRIDGES. /// @placito I prefer our JV articles without spellchecking. It adds charater.
EPIC BONUS CONTENT:
As this is my first attempt, I think I’ll also include all of my posts from earlier in the year that cracked the biggest RT numbers. Just to, you know, clean house. You can tell I’ve only been around a few months, cause the first big hit was a Sheen joke.
Charlie Sheen just called Two And A Half Men “pukefest”. Even a coked up clock is right twice a day. /// “Even the deck chairs on the Titanic couldn’t be rearranged forever”. -Chris Jones
#SpidermanReviews /// “Act Three: Explain Act One” #HollywoodPostItNote /// “Remind Alma Mater to send new intern next quarter. Class credit and weird sex are better than minimum wage.” #HollywoodPostItNote /// In LA, you can only call yourself an “adult” (ironic quotations included). /// “Oh Brock.” #BestScriptNoteEver @jocelynkelvin
Joss Whedon: The Fox Executive Slayer /// Best script reading ever last night. Thanks everyone for making me a very happy writer. Especially you, Jack Daniels.
#YourFriendsClose /// I may have killed it tonight @TheComedyStore. At least Dominic Monaghan thought so. Thanks to everyone who came out. Was epic. /// David Lynch plans Mulholland Drive themed nightclub. Brock plans velvet, reverse speaking, nightmarish, vegan eatery, a la @RealFoodDaily. @vulture It’s a great Girl Talk BBQ playlist, but wouldn’t Girl Talk just mix all 154 songs into a two minute song? /// @Pewology Still genuinely amazed that someone in the gamer blogosphere drew the connection to “Virginia Woolf”. Kudos, sir. /// Alfred Hitchcock’s “Roeper” #CriticFilms /// Kindle informs me there’s an update available for The Bible. Is this in reaction to New York? /// 1940’s LA didn’t have a beach. #ThingsILearnedFromLANoire #Kinda /// Pitching TV show where James Murphy (LCD Soundsystem) and Peter Murphy (Bauhaus) are renegade space pirates brothers. Murphy Browncoats. /// Going to see what happens to my 1st AD’s brain if, while making minor line fixes to “Shooting Draft”, I simply remove the main character.
Revelations 12 & 13: We’re going to take the ATM machine with us to Mexico.
#RichardKellyNeverReadTheBible /// Today, outlining my LulzSec/Anony/4chan screenplay, featuring @placito as the monocle, wine sipping guy in top hat, @ihateyourfavmov as PSN. /// “The Scarlet “ #BooksWithALetterMissing /// “Who Moved My Heese?” by Jay-Z #BooksWithALetterMissing /// “Fight Cub” #BooksWithALetterMissing, The dark re-boot of The Lion King /// Sex. #Thingsidoduringsex /// A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
My plan to win a Pulitzer next year: A book about the music industry crossed with Cthulhu mythos: “A Visit From The Goon Squid” /// Guys, settle down. I’m pretty sure Steve Jobs wouldn’t do this to us, unless he’d already built his own replacement.
#iJobs /// Limitless: But you have to make smart sexy to people who aren’t smart. How dumb is that? Limitless. /// LT @joefilipas I stopped asking the question of “who is Brock Wilbur” a long time ago. /// I coined LT just now. It’s “Life Tweet”. It’s when you RT what someone just said to you in real life. Formally referred to as “quoting”. /// BAM! (that’s the sound of me getting company healthcare. or falling down stairs. WHICH I CAN DO NOW AT MY WHIM) /// @NBCNews I’m gonna call that Twerrorism. /// Congrats to @GeorgeJF, a @YFCthemovie backer who just got offered a videogame job in France. What? That’s what happens in @YFCthemovie? Neat /// On nights without rock band rehearsal, how does one get aggression out? Rock Band rehearsal doesn’t cut it. ///
Today I’ve got two articles running on The Junior Varsity. The first is a collection of playlists based around each Bret Easton Ellis novel, the second is my “review” of Moneyball starring Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. (Now featuring additional commentary by Kyle Smith, director of Turkey Bowl and guy who knows a thing or two about sports movies.)
“As a Kansas boy, I remember watching this game very clearly and cheering my heart out for the Royals to win. It’s a bizarre juxtaposition to see this portrayed cinematically, with dramatic, striking music stings every time a Royals player takes the plate; it’s odd to see yourself painted as the enemy, but even odder to relive the moment ten years later, cheering for the other team (albeit now a team comprised of players like Chris Pratt). I imagine discomforting reversal of allegiance is reserved for people from South Bend who watch Hoosiers, or who were Icelandic hockey fans watching D2: The Mighty Ducks.”
Here is my Stand-Up schedule for the month of October. Friends from The Valley, take note that I’ve been added to a show at Flappers Comedy Club at 102 East Magnolia Boulevard in Burbank. So, yeah. No excuses. October 3rd is a Comedy Central Showcase and October 18th may or may not have some guests from Parks & Rec. YOU HEAR ME, BURBANK? I’ll see you there.
“Early in their romance, Allison recognizes Dale’s overwhelming intelligence, as he destroys her in Trivial Pursuit despite never having graduated the third grade. “There’s a difference between intelligence and intellect,” she says, laying out the thesis of the film. And what a glorious thesis it is. The idiotic over-reactions of the ten college students, who are consistently responsible for their own deaths, versus the woefully-undereducated protagonists is a meta-spectacle for the ages. At one point, Allison informs Dale that she has a bachelor’s degree in psychology, a concept he doesn’t fully understand, and asks her, “What kind of job do you get with that?” I died laughing at her blank reaction, recognizing it clearly as the faces of those around me on graduation day as we got our rolled paper, declaring us awesome at film… stuff.“
I’ll be performing stand-up in the Belly Room (changed over from Main Room) at the World Famous Comedy Store on Sunset tonight. Doors circa 8pm. Let me know if you want to join, as there may be a few spaces left on my guest list. It’s a Comedy Central showcase, so it should be an awesome line-up. Hope to see you there! If not, remember you can catch me:
UPDATE: AHHH!!! Got to share the stage with twelve of the top working comedians in town, including Rob Delaney, who was my inspiration to finally jump in to stand-up back at the start of the year, and a fellow member of the Super Tall Guys Club. Got lots of great advice and enjoyed entertaining a wonderful group of friends (and network scouts) in the intimate Belly Room. Thanks to everyone for coming out!
My review of the 80’s inspired comedy “Dirty Girl” is running today on The Junior Varsity and The Script Lab. Read it now. Or wait til later. That’s fine. They’ll still be there. This is the Internet.
“There are a thousand bad films released each year, but the blah ones are so often the result of a boring filmmaker sticking to what they know, or what they think others want to see. That’s why I’ll see an unbalanced bad movie any day of the week, but a by-the-numbers genre film (even with better reception) fails to get me into a theater. Genius never plays it safe, and neither do idiots, but both make for something worth my time.”
The SixtyNineties will be playing a joint show with our fantastically talented friends from Lost Moon Radio. We’ll be sharing the stage on Saturday October 22nd, with more details to follow. You can buy tickets here now. Okay, so we won’t be playing that show, but you should still totally check out Lost Moon Radio. And there’s a pretty excellent chance you’ll see us sharing a stage with them in December. If you’ve been good children this year. Or if not. Truthfully, I don’t think you play into the equation.
In honor of the giant robot fighting movie Real Steel opening last weekend, I went back to check on our short film Hangar No. 5, where I first learned all about the hassles of dealing with a giant robot on set. (They can be pretty demanding.) Turns out our website expired sometime earlier this year, so I’ve thrown up a new site here: New Hangar No. 5 Homepage. Also, looks like we’ll break 40k views at some point this week, so thanks everyone for continuing to show that film some love. Re-watched the Behind The Scenes features and think that Brock Wilbur of 2008 was a sexy piece of… I mean, I learned a lot about cardboard boxes. Yes. That.
These Stand-Up shows are coming up. Let me know if you want to join:
You know what I absolutely loathe about the new
@st_vincent album? It ends. @ITSTHERAPTURE, I have a similar complaint for you. /// Having not seen it, I assume Tim Allen’s LAST MAN STANDING is an adaptation of Y: THE LAST MAN; ABC’s bid to compete with WALKING DEAD. /// Private Q&A for the new @cirque show last night. What do you ask? “Uh. How do you… so strong… get? Wow.” /// At some point this year I started preferring properly prepared mushrooms to steak. I should probably kill something to reclaim my manhood. /// Steve Jobs has died on the day I finally got an i-Phone. God bless you, sir. You shall not be replaced. (Unlike my Droid). /// By all means, California, crack down on marijuana dispensaries. Because NOW is the time to attack the only successful businesses we have.
A shortened book review of “A Pristine Suicide by Bart J. Allen” ran on Junior Varsity yesterday as part of our Thursday Throwndown. Take a look here, in addition to reading about Mike Placito’s pursuit of victory gin, and Lindsey reviewing one of my favorite criticism books of all time.
On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve got three big stand-up shows coming up, including tomorrow night. If you want to join on my guest list for any of these, hit me up:
My review of the 2011 prequel to John Carpenter’s classic “The Thing” is running today on The Junior Varsity and The Script Lab, so check it out. In the photo above, look at how Joel Edgerton brandishes that small stick. You’ve seen “Warrior”. He doesn’t need a flamethrower to take on Lovecraftian horrors from the beyond. They gave one to Mary Elizabeth Winstead to make up for the dialogue she was given. Always a fair trade, since you can’t screen-capture witty banter.
“John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) is one of the few perfect films in the history of cinema. I’ll fight you to the death on that. Maybe not to the death, since that seems (only slightly) extreme, but you should know on my All-Time Top 5 List it accounts for three slots. Friends found it strange when my first Blu-Ray purchase was a film from the early 80s. Those people are uneducated Philistines, and I have ex-communicated them from my life.”
Also, two very exciting stand-up shows coming up. Let me know if you want to join us for either event, especially the one tonight:
“In reading this today, you will become angry about the implicit truths examined. It doesn’t matter the degree of distance which I afford the subject matter: you will not complete the next few pages (or paragraphs) without an opinion. An opinion born of your beliefs, your personal history, your intelligence, your confusion, your desire for something to be… other. You will want to fight, although I cannot rightfully predict whom. You will want to speak up, if only to hear your own voice and know that it is real. You’ll want to share. Please do.”
On Pajiba, Dustin tweeted an idea to start remaking 80’s movies, Memento-style, in reverse. Based on my Ghostbusters joke and a few others, they launched a competition for who could pitch the best remake. Check out the thread here, which mentions my original, and contains like six others that I wrote. Some hilarious stuff here.
And, as promised in this continuing archival experiment, a collection of recent highly retweeted material and some stuff I really liked but posted in the middle of the night, long after anyone who could possibly care had gone to sleep. Enjoy!
Tomorrow, the SyFy Channel gets to hear all about what’s happening in my head. Hours later, I will still be withholding toward my therapist. /// “Fiji” scented body wash is in NO WAY what I’ve been conditioned to think “Fiji” smells like. /// I completely repressed the memory of Microsoft BOB, but no wonder in 95 we believed the inside of computers looked like Hackers. /// Herman Cain’s 999 plan came from the default settings on Sim City. Lets hope he uses the same soundtrack & cheat codes. /// My writing turn-around-time was defined by @davekoll as being an “outlier”. I’d prefer being known as an “OUTLANDER! WE HAVE YOUR WOMAN!” /// My name is SIRI. Who would like to play a nice game of Global Thermonuclear War?
RT @CourtneyStodden: I rilly love my haters but I rilly RILLY love my lovers! ;-) XOs // What are your feelings on grammar? /// The song “I’m Just A Bill” no longer accurately portrays the political process. Now it looks more like a guy playing Dark Souls. /// @pajiba SRETSUBTSOHG: Stantz, Spengler, and Venkamn lose their black friend and go back to NYU when job market dries up. /// In last night’s set, I transformed @st_vincent into a hipster sexual position. I wish someone else would take responsibility for my thoughts
Should directly address the person I’m let down by, but making thinly veiled generic comments about “friendship” is why social media exists. Thusly, I add *scathing remark*, *pithy rejoinder*, *declaration of new purpose*, *fond adieu*. /// HalloweenCostumeIdea: Xbox Achievement List. I’ll write list on my shirt, and when someone does that thing, use phone for ding, give candy. Forewarning To Friends: That list gets dirty and weird starting around achievement four. Also, there will be some grinding. *ding* /// Document received from boss: “THIS IS WHAT THIS IS”. If I was a Supercomputer, this logic loop would cause me to turn off the oxygen. /// Just wrote 600+ words on the subject of Limp Bizkit. I enjoy being motivated, but I often wish I had some control over its direction..
1 of the Saw movies has 99% of the Cary Elwes.
#OccupyLionsgate /// 1% of the population is over 6’5″, towering over the other 99%. #PleaseDontOccupyMe /// #GTA5: Detroit. You must restart failed American automotive manufacturing industry in order to have autos to grand theft. /// We have to call it “gamification” because no one will take you seriously if you have business ideas “…with RPG elements!” /// Dreamt that Cobra Starship recorded an entire OK COMPUTER tribute album. Loved every track except LET DOWN. Brain, you are a harsh mistress. /// “Apocrypha” and “TL;DR” are the titles of my first two memoirs. Done and done. /// Jessica Simpson tweets a picture of her feet and HuffPo asks “Has she gone too far this time?” I wish I could see HuffPo cover Pearl Harbor. /// #lessexcitingbandnames: Black Rebel Motorcycle Insurance / Does It Offend You, No? / Brunch! At The Disco / She Wants Rest / Desk From Above 1979 / Yeah Yeahs / The Plot To Hug The Eiffel Tower / The Dillinger Landscape Plan / The Stationary Pumpkins / Manic Sleep Preachers / Slowball / Stone Temple Pilates / Children of Ho-hum / The Faintly / !! / Five For Feigning / LMAO / T-Plain / Kanye Westwood / Niryawna / Linkin Parking
Picked my Halloween Costume: I’m going as ELECTRONIC TALKING MALL MADNESS. It’s a very specific costume. /// I’ve picked my new Halloween Costume. I’m going as HuffPo. I’m going to take drinks from everyone else and name drop. /// Everyone always claims their movie/book/game is like “Mad Max” or “Blade Runner”. Where’s the love for “The Postman”? Truthfully, we could all save a lot of time by saying “It’s like Demolition Man”, because in small ways, everything good is.